OT Life is Weird (for me) (This thread for Old-Timers only)

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  • Millionaire Wussy
    Registered Charger Fan
    • Jul 2013
    • 5068
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    OT Life is Weird (for me) (This thread for Old-Timers only)

    Most of you old-timers are aware of my past and my sometimes uncomfortable existence here with select few post'ers. i have to say something about all of that. Because if I don't right now I'm afraid I may never come back here.

    Basically I'm feeling caught between realities at this point. Sort of a weird message board Twilight Zone. Or at least I'm seeking to understand what exactly is going on with me at the moment. And like it or not, that involves at least some of you here...and not necessarily in a bad way. lol

    Here's my strange dilemma...it seems as though my sharing of my past individual stuff here has done two equally profound, yet seemingly diametrically opposed happenings.
    One of those is that by sharing so deeply and having others here comment (with love) reassuringly it seems to have helped mend some inner broken parts that have long been major issues for me. That's no small achievement. I've also cried out to God for help in this area as it's torture if you can't relate well with others. That and your loving responses have helped me a lot. The proof is in my relationship with my girlfriend. I've been on and off with her since 1993. I usually leave her when things get too close. But lately all I feel for her is love and gratitude. And she loves me more than she has ever loved me before. It's fantastic. I just know it now...that sense of unity brought about by true love...where before there was only a deep abyss of fear. It's awesome. Reallly awesome. We both had our issues and now it seems we're both discarding them as we heal together. sorry if this is too mushy.

    That part is wonderful. The other stuff though, isn't.

    When I disclosed my past stuff here and one person here suggested I had molested someone it threw me to say the least. Being a Psych major in college I know the fears related to this subject....even by the educated. Many women seem to think if a guy has been molested then he will molest others. And that was suggested by one in a class of mine and I've never forgotten it. She succeeded in making me feel even more alone than before I shared about my experience. And no other person spoke up in that classroom. I was then a certified basket-case so I couldn't. I had acquired learned-helplessness (Seligman) from a torturous childhood down to a tee. So that's why I was in disbelief when a certain post'er here asked or suggested I had molested. And no one spoke up except for one person...might have been Big D or BoltJolt...i'm not sure. But I felt alone again and I still don't have much trust here because of that. That's why I'm caught between feelings. On one hand I'm very grateful that I was allowed to post my misery here and so many of you commented very touchingly in response. But there's also the lack of standing up for me when I needed you most. When that certain post'er, who still posts here, said what he said and only one of you said anything to about it being wrong or no appropriate.

    So thank you for being so loving to me when I shared about my childhood stuff. And I hope I can forgive for the rest.
    For Stinky-Jon-Wizzleteats....

    "Pray for strength and healing oh and money!"
  • Fleet
    TPB Founder
    • Jun 2013
    • 14162
    • Cardiff - Poipu
    • Send PM

    #2
    Bro that one person who said that was put in your life for a reason. To force you down one of 2 paths. You took the wrong path. No big deal...it happens...when you ask God for help does it surprise you that you get a challenge such as this?? Sounds to me like this person probably has their own issues. In fact im willing to bet through transference she became your mother. What one female had the power to ruin your daily life in the past?? Time to let go of what people say and think...they are not your responsibility. When someone tries to hurt you...help 5 others. The key to life and happiness is through giving.

    Comment

    • 6025
      fender57
      • Jun 2013
      • 9786
      • Send PM

      #3
      Originally posted by alex View Post
      Most of you old-timers are aware of my past and my sometimes uncomfortable existence here with select few post'ers. i have to say something about all of that. Because if I don't right now I'm afraid I may never come back here.

      Basically I'm feeling caught between realities at this point. Sort of a weird message board Twilight Zone. Or at least I'm seeking to understand what exactly is going on with me at the moment. And like it or not, that involves at least some of you here...and not necessarily in a bad way. lol

      Here's my strange dilemma...it seems as though my sharing of my past individual stuff here has done two equally profound, yet seemingly diametrically opposed happenings.
      One of those is that by sharing so deeply and having others here comment (with love) reassuringly it seems to have helped mend some inner broken parts that have long been major issues for me. That's no small achievement. I've also cried out to God for help in this area as it's torture if you can't relate well with others. That and your loving responses have helped me a lot. The proof is in my relationship with my girlfriend. I've been on and off with her since 1993. I usually leave her when things get too close. But lately all I feel for her is love and gratitude. And she loves me more than she has ever loved me before. It's fantastic. I just know it now...that sense of unity brought about by true love...where before there was only a deep abyss of fear. It's awesome. Reallly awesome. We both had our issues and now it seems we're both discarding them as we heal together. sorry if this is too mushy.

      That part is wonderful. The other stuff though, isn't.

      When I disclosed my past stuff here and one person here suggested I had molested someone it threw me to say the least. Being a Psych major in college I know the fears related to this subject....even by the educated. Many women seem to think if a guy has been molested then he will molest others. And that was suggested by one in a class of mine and I've never forgotten it. She succeeded in making me feel even more alone than before I shared about my experience. And no other person spoke up in that classroom. I was then a certified basket-case so I couldn't. I had acquired learned-helplessness (Seligman) from a torturous childhood down to a tee. So that's why I was in disbelief when a certain post'er here asked or suggested I had molested. And no one spoke up except for one person...might have been Big D or BoltJolt...i'm not sure. But I felt alone again and I still don't have much trust here because of that. That's why I'm caught between feelings. On one hand I'm very grateful that I was allowed to post my misery here and so many of you commented very touchingly in response. But there's also the lack of standing up for me when I needed you most. When that certain post'er, who still posts here, said what he said and only one of you said anything to about it being wrong or no appropriate.

      So thank you for being so loving to me when I shared about my childhood stuff. And I hope I can forgive for the rest.
      For what it's worth, your story has always been inspiring to me, and it gave you a depth (in my view) that didn't exist to me before when you were simply just "Alex".

      What I would say now is keep pressing forward. You get one shot in life. Don't dwell on the negative crap that is heaped upon you by those who do not know you nor care about you. Build upon the positives you have built for yourself. And those of you who have nothing good to say about Alex and his life, please stay out of this thread.

      It's one thing to snark on Chargers-related things but to hammer a guy personally when he opens up is pretty fucked up.

      Comment

      • Millionaire Wussy
        Registered Charger Fan
        • Jul 2013
        • 5068
        • Send PM

        #4
        Originally posted by Fleet View Post
        Bro that one person who said that was put in your life for a reason. To force you down one of 2 paths. You took the wrong path. No big deal...it happens...when you ask God for help does it surprise you that you get a challenge such as this?? Sounds to me like this person probably has their own issues. In fact im willing to bet through transference she became your mother. What one female had the power to ruin your daily life in the past?? Time to let go of what people say and think...they are not your responsibility. When someone tries to hurt you...help 5 others. The key to life and happiness is through giving.

        Fleet, you're talking about someone who literally couldn't help himself...much less others. I appreciate your sentiment about helping others but it doesn't always work that way. One first needs enough strength to survive being around people without losing himself (one's own identity). But that's getting better of late. Getting stronger.

        Thank you...
        For Stinky-Jon-Wizzleteats....

        "Pray for strength and healing oh and money!"

        Comment

        • cyberbolt
          Registered Charger Fan
          • Jun 2013
          • 240
          • Send PM

          #5
          Originally posted by 6025 View Post

          It's one thing to snark on Chargers-related things but to hammer a guy personally when he opens up is pretty fucked up.
          Yes, it is. This sounds like it was before my time, but fuck the haters, Alex.

          Comment

          • Millionaire Wussy
            Registered Charger Fan
            • Jul 2013
            • 5068
            • Send PM

            #6
            Originally posted by 6025 View Post
            For what it's worth, your story has always been inspiring to me, and it gave you a depth (in my view) that didn't exist to me before when you were simply just "Alex".

            What I would say now is keep pressing forward. You get one shot in life. Don't dwell on the negative crap that is heaped upon you by those who do not know you nor care about you. Build upon the positives you have built for yourself. And those of you who have nothing good to say about Alex and his life, please stay out of this thread.

            It's one thing to snark on Chargers-related things but to hammer a guy personally when he opens up is pretty fucked up.
            Thank you Fender.

            There are other guys here whose stories broke my heart. I want to give them all a hug.
            For Stinky-Jon-Wizzleteats....

            "Pray for strength and healing oh and money!"

            Comment

            • richpjr
              Registered Charger Fan
              • Jun 2013
              • 21036
              • Nashville
              • Send PM

              #7
              Stay strong alex and while much easier said than done, don't let the haters steer your life.

              Peace brother.

              Comment

              • Millionaire Wussy
                Registered Charger Fan
                • Jul 2013
                • 5068
                • Send PM

                #8
                Originally posted by richpjr View Post
                Stay strong alex and while much easier said than done, don't let the haters steer your life.

                Peace brother.

                thank you Rich

                I have to say something else. Do you guys recall the African-American dude (Max) I met at my apartment complex a couple years back? Remember when I was telling you how supportive he was...and always was? It turned out he was playing the pimp game. He literally was pimping out women from his place at my complex here. You can't play the pimp game and get free rent at the same time apparently. He grew tired of this place (too many stupid rules) and stopped paying rent. I still love the guy even if he never wore any easy to identify gold chains. hahahaha

                You can't play the pimp game and expect free rent! That needs to be my sig....hahahahahahahaha Max was in his late 60's to 70's. hahaha
                For Stinky-Jon-Wizzleteats....

                "Pray for strength and healing oh and money!"

                Comment


                • #9
                  We have your back, Alex.

                  There's an Alex joke in there somewhere.

                  Comment

                  • Stinky Wizzleteats+
                    Grammar Police
                    • Jun 2013
                    • 10595
                    • Send PM

                    #10
                    Anyone who can humble the masculinity round a place like this for a moment is a rare person of value. Please recognize this. You have value to us, even if your mushy sometimes.
                    Go Rivers!

                    Comment

                    • RTPbolt
                      Charger Fan till the end
                      • Jun 2013
                      • 2570
                      • North Carolina
                      • Send PM

                      #11
                      We all go thru shit in life Alex and people are only human in how they support or dont based on their perspective at the time. Frankly i find writing the easiest way to more concretely and concisely get my thoughts down so i fully respect your openness on the forum. Ive seen and participated in a few deeper discussions here and in my worst times it helps to be vocal here. We got your back...at least most of us do and thats all it usually takes to support a person to feel not alone.

                      That said i will mirror the appreciation of some good people on this board. Thanks guys.

                      Kevin

                      Comment

                      • Fleet
                        TPB Founder
                        • Jun 2013
                        • 14162
                        • Cardiff - Poipu
                        • Send PM

                        #12
                        Pretty special community we have here. It goes way beyond football. When one person suffers we tend to all feel it. Weve been through a lot together. Robs heat attacks...Punchys friend dying....Alexs situation......My cousins cancer etc.

                        Bunch of good people in this family.

                        Comment

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