OT: Struggling

[Panamamike]

[chris9341]

Hey man just wanna say you'll make it through this. I can't say I know how your feeling but I do know what you are going through. It sounds like you got to spend some time with him before he passed. Your 1-4 list is so true however I cannot and will not ever be nice or say anything nice to a raider fan. Just not gonna happen.

[Panamamike]

Hey man just wanna say you'll make it through this. I can't say I know how your feeling but I do know what you are going through. It sounds like you got to spend some time with him before he passed. Your 1-4 list is so true however I cannot and will not ever be nice or say anything nice to a raider fan. Just not gonna happen.

thanks for the houghts and the laugh. I forgot to make a Raiders and Montreal Canadiens fan exemption list

yeah, I will get through this, it is going to take time to adjust for sure. We all experience loss, and I certainly have not been exempt from this. This one has really hit me hard though.

[Charged4Life]

My heart goes out to you, Pmike. I don't talk much at all with my brother any more but he is definitely the one person I would hate to lose the most (he's 53 and I'm 54). And you were regularly communicating. So I can only imagine the depths of sorrow you're experiencing. Oh boy. I'm really sorry. I'd give you a hug if I could...and I hate hugs. But the thought is a happy one for me somehow....go figure. I'm really sorry, bro. One Charger bro to another. One human being to another.

Two things if I may...One, get a therapist you feel totally comfortable with. You had an intense bond with your brother and you probably need to process your loss with an expert.Two, good on you for taking care of yourself. My father died at age 50 from a heart attack and had extremely high blood pressure in his 30's. Then he had a quad-heart bypass, double carotid (neck), right side groin, and ended up with a problematic occluded artery or whatever in his mid-brain. The reason I bring all that shit up is because I don't suffer from any of that stuff. I've never had a surgery in my life. So maybe you're not destined to have all the issues that you described with your family.

As far as feeling guilty for having a kid. Just stop! Stop that! You're embracing life by having a child. That's what you did and that's what you're doing. So enjoy your child. You know better than most that nothing's guaranteed in life. So enjoy the hell out of your kid and fuck the worry shit. Let that go.

If you need to talk to someone you can call me at 760-880-7903. You can talk about whatever. Doesn't matter what.

Much love and peace,

Fred

[RobH]

All I can say is hang in there. Genetics says a lot. When I had my heart attack almost 7 years ago, no one had a clue it was coming. I exercised constantly, ate well, and while leading a fairly stressful life, it wasn't one of hardship. The doctors said that the only reason why I didn't die was because I was in such good shape. They really thought I should be dead. My brother, who is 10 years older than me had the same problem, clogged arteries. They got to him and got a stent in him before he actually had a heart attack. He was actually in better shape than me and a vegetarian. So we both know it was DNA that got us. Interestingly, it's cancer that's gotten my parents generation. I'm waiting for that shoe to drop.

I go to the doctor every three months and get an ECG and blood tests. The five stents they put in me are doing okay. I need to get my ass back into the gym and start working out again, but I'm too busy running my company. I hope to start making time in the coming months. I did go on a low carb, no sugar diet and went from 210 to 185, my high school weight. 200 is my normal weight, and when I start working out I'll work back up to it. Right now, I'm hanging in at 190, and I look better than at 185. Try coconut oil, it made a huge difference in my HDL, and I've been taking it for about 4 months and both tests came back with it up at record levels.

Keep yourself active. That's the best thing you can do and hug your kids at least once a day.

All the best, and prayers for your brother.

Rob

[Panamamike]

Sounds like we have similar genetics and lifestyles. Thanks for sharing

[Panamamike]

Thanks

[Panamamike]

My heart goes out to you, Pmike. I don't talk much at all with my brother any more but he is definitely the one person I would hate to lose the most (he's 53 and I'm 54). And you were regularly communicating. So I can only imagine the depths of sorrow you're experiencing. Oh boy. I'm really sorry. I'd give you a hug if I could...and I hate hugs. But the thought is a happy one for me somehow....go figure. I'm really sorry, bro. One Charger bro to another. One human being to another.

Two things if I may...One, get a therapist you feel totally comfortable with. You had an intense bond with your brother and you probably need to process your loss with an expert.Two, good on you for taking care of yourself. My father died at age 50 from a heart attack and had extremely high blood pressure in his 30's. Then he had a quad-heart bypass, double carotid (neck), right side groin, and ended up with a problematic occluded artery or whatever in his mid-brain. The reason I bring all that shit up is because I don't suffer from any of that stuff. I've never had a surgery in my life. So maybe you're not destined to have all the issues that you described with your family.

As far as feeling guilty for having a kid. Just stop! Stop that! You're embracing life by having a child. That's what you did and that's what you're doing. So enjoy your child. You know better than most that nothing's guaranteed in life. So enjoy the hell out of your kid and fuck the worry shit. Let that go.

If you need to talk to someone you can call me at 760-880-7903. You can talk about whatever. Doesn't matter what.

Much love and peace,

Fred

i do not have the ability to adequately express my appreciation for your words....except to merely say Thank You, and that hardly does them justice, especially the part where you addressed my guilt of becoming a dad later in life.

[Bolt-O]

Hang in there bro. We're here for you.

[Panamamike]

Hang in there bro. We're here for you.

I appreciate it.

[Geezbolt]

I lost my wife of 37 years 9 1/2 years ago. Losses like this are difficult. I used to think what people said about things getting easier after the first year was B.S., but it is true. You will find all sorts of things coming up during the year you used to do with your brother. You will experience them in different ways now. There will be feelings of emptiness at times but there will also be some great memories. It does get better.

Everyone deals differently with grief. My only suggestion, especially with the heart history you mentioned is to grieve in a positive way. By that I mean get out and walk, hike (my personal choice), jog or whatever exercise works best for you. Don't sit around. Most importantly, do not short-change the grieving process. It has to run its course. Just my $.02 from someone who has been there.

[Panamamike]

I lost my wife of 37 years 9 1/2 years ago. Losses like this are difficult. I used to think what people said about things getting easier after the first year was B.S., but it is true. You will find all sorts of things coming up during the year you used to do with your brother. You will experience them in different ways now. There will be feelings of emptiness at times but there will also be some great memories. It does get better.

Everyone deals differently with grief. My only suggestion, especially with the heart history you mentioned is to grieve in a positive way. By that I mean get out and walk, hike (my personal choice), jog or whatever exercise works best for you. Don't sit around. Most importantly, do not short-change the grieving process. It has to run its course. Just my $.02 from someone who has been there.

thanks for posting and sharing. Your .02 is always welcome and appreciated, especially when it is worth a helluva lot more than .02.

[SDFan]

Mojo Brother. I have some family genetics working against me too with heart problems. Luckily I had a good primary Dr the last 22 years who was on top of this stuff. I was always in pretty good shape and active, but a couple years back hit a patch where my knees were done and I couldn't exercise daily like I had been. This made my weight go up, blood pressure go up and cholesterol go up. He wanted to put me on meds to control BP & Cholesterol and send me to a weight management clinic. I always resisted the prescribed meds approach and kept everything in check with exercise and diet and moderation of coffee, beer, etc. THIS was different Dr told me- those 3 things that all went up together he called the "trifecta" of factors that could kill me and I was basically a walking heart attack waiting to happen. I reluctantly went on the meds after that warning and nothing bad happened, fortunately.

So here's what he drilled into me: there's 5 bad risk factors to consider: Age (over 50), Sex (male), Family Cardiac history, weight, blood pressure- then add in Cholesterol. I'm screwed on the 1st 3 as there is nothing I can do about those at all- so I need to focus on the other 3 I CAN control and that's what I've done ever since and made great progress once I was able to exercise again. My advice is get a home Blood Pressure monitor and check yours frequently- it is the most accurate forecaster of what is going on inside you and can alert you to a possible problem on the horizon, then exercise daily if possible (it's 24 degrees outside here right now, but I have my treadmill inside) and find out what your best weight is and try to get/stay there. It's really a daily necessity to work on our health at this age- and the alternative to not being healthy and living a good life is not acceptable to me.