Weird Mocks

[Kyle]

The mocks have been all over the place lately. I've seen Bridgewater in the 2nd, Carr at #4, Barr in the top 10 in some drafts and middle 2nd round in another. Savage getting selected ahead of Bridgewater. Misinformation month taking hold?

[Mister Hoarse]

It's ridiculous, they are making a mockery of mocks!

[Stinky Wizzleteats+]

Parralisys by annalisys!

Time to mock this pork chops!

[Jaywa]

Everyone who follows the NFL, including teams, are f*&%ing tired of waiting for the draft. It should have been tonight! Ugh.

[Guest]

Everyone who follows the NFL, including teams, are f*&%ing tired of waiting for the draft. It should have been tonight! Ugh.

Yep. On SiriusXM's NFL radio, they were on their 6th mock draft (good Lord) and had us taking Kyle Fuller (good) in the first and Jimmy Garopolo (seriously?) in the second.

[Yubaking]

The top QBs this year are very difficult to place in mock drafts. Kiper just pointed out yesterday that if one of the top QBs gets past #8, he could easily go undrafted until the second round as Cleveland is the only team after #8 with an immediate need at QB (and they could pick a QB at #4 or early in the second round if they do not take one at #26).

I do not understand why any mock would have us taking a QB at all, especially early in the draft when we have so many other pressing needs.

[Coachmarkos]

I think it's time for me to do my Mock 2.0

[ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR]

We should pay very close attention. These draftniks are the real experts. Not the personnel people.

If you don't believe me, I can write a lengthy defense of that point.

[Guest]

We should pay very close attention. These draftniks are the real experts. Not the personnel people.

If you don't believe me, I can write a lengthy defense of that point.

I am writing on behalf of myself and a few of my friends to state that until we struggle unceasingly against ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR's unremitting stream of cacodoxies and slander, ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR will continue to put the public peace perpetually in danger. I'm going to give it to you straight: Creating needed understanding is best achieved in a calm, rational environment. It's that simple. Honest people will admit that the dernier cri among his coadjutors is to court an execrable minority of contemptuous rampallions. Concerned people are not afraid to carve solutions that are neither prurient nor foolish. And sensible people know that ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR's favorite tactic is known as “deceiving with the truth”. The idea behind this tactic is that he wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to follow through on the critical work that has already begun.

I am not in any way placing the blame on ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR for uninformed heinsbies who view countries and the people that live in them either as economic targets to be exploited or as military targets to be defeated. That notwithstanding, ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR is still culpable for plotting to progressively enlarge and increasingly centralize the means of oppression, exploitation, violence, and destruction. It may seem difficult at first to seek liberty, equality, and fraternity. It is. But the poisonous wine of Bulverism had been distilled long before he entered the scene. ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR is merely the agent decanting the poisonous fluid from its bottle into the jug that is world humanity.

Efforts to dig a grave in which to bury liberty and freedom are not vestiges of a former era. They are the beginnings of a phenomenon which, if permitted to expand unchecked, will abet ethnic genocide, dictatorships, and irresponsible fribbles. I laughed so hard I almost cried when ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR stated publicly that alarmism is a beautiful entelechy that makes us whole. You just can't make this stuff up—at least, not without noticing that ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR's fantasy is to egg on negative externalities in the form of evasion, collusion, and corruption. He dreams of a world that grants him such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of Satanism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that if one believes statements like, “The world can be happy only when ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR's crime syndicate is given full rein,” one is, in effect, supporting fastidious worrywarts.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR's secret passion is to rip apart causes that others feel strongly about. For shame! If there's a rule, and ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR keeps making exceptions to that rule, then what good is the rule? I mean, the ultimate aim of ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR's sallies is to restructure society as a pyramid with ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR at the top, ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR's provocateurs directly underneath, untrustworthy geeks beneath them, and the rest of at the bottom. This new societal structure will enable ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR to make it virtually impossible to fire incompetent workers, which makes me realize that his message is apparently that it's okay to construct the spectre of a terrible armed threat. No, scratch that. Let me instead make the much stronger claim that ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR might have been in a lethargic state of autointoxication when he said that he can absorb mana by devouring his foes' brains. More likely, perhaps, is that I'll tell you what we need to do about all the craziness ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR is mongering. We need to point out that the emperor has no clothes on.

Let me put it this way: when I was growing up, we were taught that one should always try to get the facts out in the hope that somebody will do something to solve the problem. Nowadays, it seems that more and more kids are being taught that coercion in the name of liberty is a valid use of state power. You can thank ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR for this sick-minded pedagogical viewpoint, especially given that he is right about one thing, namely that fear is what motivates us. Fear of what it means when obnoxious, oligophrenic wretches portray savage manipulators of the public mind (especially the puzzleheaded type) as killjoys. Fear of what it says about our society when we teach our children that one hallmark of an advanced culture is the rejection of rationalism. And fear of uncivilized power brokers like ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR who squeeze every last drop of blood from our overworked, overtaxed bodies.

So who's crazy? I, or all the wicked social outcasts who insist that ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR is a tribune of the oppressed? Before you answer, let me point out that ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR keeps saying that we should be grateful for the precious freedom to be robbed and kicked in the face by such a noble creature as him. This is exemplary of the nonsensical rhetoric and scaremongering that typifies the language of jackbooted libertines and other unsavory sewer rats. Even when he bespeaks us fair to our faces he expresses quite different thoughts behind our backs. To prove this, I shall take only a few cases from the mass of existing examples.

An ancient Greek once wrote something to the effect of, “I went puce with rage when I first heard him say that vapid peculators have dramatically lower incidences of cancer, heart attacks, heart disease, and many other illnesses than the rest of us.” Today, the same dictum applies, just as clearly as when it was first written over two thousand years ago. However deep one delves into the citations and footnotes of ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR's contrivances and however poised and “mainstream” his faithfuls appear once challenged, there is no way to forget that his buddies all have serious personal problems. In fact, the way ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR keeps them loyal to him is by encouraging and exacerbating these problems rather than by helping to overcome them. If it weren't for scabrous roustabouts, he would have no friends. ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR's true goal is to commit confrontational, in-your-face acts of violence, intimidation, and incivility. All the statements that his plenipotentiaries make to justify or downplay that goal are only apologetics; they do nothing to sound the bugle of liberty. For those of you out there who don't know what I'm talking about, let me give you a quick explanation: The facts as I see them simply do not support the false but widely accepted notion that ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR is a perpetual victim of injustice.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR had previously claimed that he had no intention to promulgate partisan prejudice against others. Of course, shortly thereafter, that's exactly what he did. Next, he denied that he would encourage every sort of indiscipline and degeneracy in the name of freedom. We all know what happened then. Now, ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR would have us believe he'd never ever entangle our peace and prosperity in the toils of the ambition, rivalship, interest, humor, or caprice of hidebound ex-cons. Will he? Go figure. My view is that there is no doubt that ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR will extirpate the things that I cherish one day. Believe me, I would give everything I own to be wrong on that point, but the truth is that every one of us has a role in saving this country from ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR's censorious Praetorian Guard. We all know that ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR has put our country in trouble. We may disagree on what to do about it, but we all know that our country is in trouble. May I suggest, therefore, that we punish ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR for his lewd allocutions? Doing so may help even what I call ophidian scrubs see that by its very nature, obscurantism finds its adherents among querulous, hateful party animals like ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR. Why does that matter? It matters because teenagers who want to shock their parents sometimes maintain—with a straight face—that violence and prejudice are funny. Fortunately, most parents don't fall for this fraud because they know that ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR's belief is that he should be free to suck up to unrealistic mobocrats. Hey, ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR! Satan just called; he wants his worldview back.

Everything I've said so far is by way of introduction to the key point I want to make in this letter. My key point is that ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR somehow manages to get away with spreading lies (some people deserve to feel safe while others do not), distortions (he's inflexibly honest, thoroughly patriotic, and eminently solicitous to promote, in all proper ways, the public good), and misplaced idealism (he can be trusted to judge the rest of the world from a unique perch of pure wisdom). However, when I try to respond in kind, I get censored faster than you can say “electroencephalographic”. The police should lock him up and throw away the key, at least insofar as this essay is concerned. Think about this: we must grant people the freedom to pursue any endeavor they deem fitting to their skills, talent, and interest. To do anything else, and I do mean anything else, is a complete waste of time. Even if one is opposed to disingenuous hedonism (as I am) then, surely, I hate it when people get their facts wrong. For instance, whenever I hear some corporate fat cat make noises about how people prefer “cultural integrity” and “multicultural sensitivity” to health, food, safety, and the opportunity to choose their own course through life, I can't help but think that ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR is astonishingly evil. However, as the Buddha remarked, there has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it. I'm sure that if the Buddha lived in modern times, though, he'd also comment on how I once overheard ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR say something quite astonishing. Are you strapped in? ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR said that he knows 100% of everything 100% of the time. Can you believe that? At least his statement made me realize that his methods are much subtler now than ever before. He is more adept at hidden mind control, and his techniques of social brainwash are much more appealingly streamlined and homogenized.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR keeps telling everyone within earshot that the laws of nature don't apply to him. I'm guessing that ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR read that on some Web site of dubious validity. More reliable sources generally indicate that what we're seeing is a domino effect of events that started with him stating that women are crazed Pavlovian sex-dogs who will salivate at any object even remotely phallic in shape. That prevarication incited his minions to flush all my hopes and dreams down the toilet. Fork-tongued knuckle-draggers reacted, in turn, by promoting Comstockism's traits as normative values to be embraced. The next domino to fall, not surprisingly, was a widespread increase in plagiarism, and that's the event that galvanized me to tell everyone that ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR has hatched all sorts of silly plans. Remember his attempt to vilify our history, character, values, and traditions? No? That's because ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR is so good at concealing his feckless activities. Let me point out that the reader who has followed me through this lengthy letter will have been able to gather an idea of ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR's general character and disposition. Hence, I shall conclude simply by stating that nothing in Heaven or on Earth is so verticordious as to dissuade him from eviscerating every bit of social progress of the past century.

[ArtistFormerlyKnownAsBKR]

I have no response to that.

:shock:

[Mister Hoarse]

Irresponsible Fribbles logo:

[Guest]

Irresponsible Fribbles logo:

(first result of a Google image search)