Originally posted by Boltnut
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There's good news everybody! I've changed my mind on Pipkins. In fact, I'm re-signing everybody!
In an unprecedented move, the NFL has decided to award the most beleaguered fanbase a magic pot of leprechaun gold. We won!
We're not sure if it was awarded because the cheap-ass owner abandoned his loyal base in San Diego... or if it was the series of historic collapses the fanbase has endured...
But we're spending the shit out of that mother*%@!
The first thing we do is... keep everybody! Callahan, Fox, Tranquil, Adderly, Carter... even Pipkins! He can be that depth piece we've been yearning for.
"But Nutty", you say, "How can we find someone better than the Mighty Pip"? "How can we fit all of those FA's under the cap"?
People... pay attention... it's leprechaun money! The biggest advantage of leprechaun money is that it doesn't actually exist... so it can't be counted against the cap.
As for Pipkins becoming nothing but depth... we must spend one of our 7 first round picks on the best available OT.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! How did we get 6 more first round picks, Nutty?" you say...?
* Apparently, the tables have turned in regards to the Sean Payton negotiations... per a source. The team that lands Payton will no longer have to give up a 1st round pick... but rather, will be awarded a 1st round pick for their cunningness in the arts of negotiation. Fabiani will broker the deal.
* The NFL has decided to rectify a previous injury. The Dallas Cowboys must forfeit their 1st round pick to the remaining Chargers fans living in San Diego. Jerry Jones' shameless pandering to bring a team to LA was deemed fraudulent. Apparently, LA was already getting a team (the Rams) and the 2nd team wasn't really needed/required. The $650 million relocation fee will be converted into a 1st round pick... per a source. For his loss, Jerry Jones will be compensated in leprechaun gold... which Jones will immediately convert into Bitcoin.
* The Chargers had planned on firing Staley. Per a source... while negotiating the Payton deal, Fabiani secretly traded Staley to the Broncos for a 1st round pick. Additional 1st round picks were awarded for Lombardi and Hill... as the trifecta seems to be inseparable.
* The details of the 6th first round pick are a little fuzzy... but it's rumored to include leprechaun gold... per a source.
6 of the first round picks will be evenly dispersed along all 3 levels of the offense/defense (this will alleviate the endless bickering)... the 7th first round pick (the Jones Compensation Pick) will be given to Roo... even though he no longer lives in San Diego.
The remaining picks will be used on depth. The remaining cap overage will be paid with leprechaun money... only this time it will be recognized as real tender.
No response is needed... you can send your appreciation and praise via PM.
In an unprecedented move, the NFL has decided to award the most beleaguered fanbase a magic pot of leprechaun gold. We won!
We're not sure if it was awarded because the cheap-ass owner abandoned his loyal base in San Diego... or if it was the series of historic collapses the fanbase has endured...
But we're spending the shit out of that mother*%@!
The first thing we do is... keep everybody! Callahan, Fox, Tranquil, Adderly, Carter... even Pipkins! He can be that depth piece we've been yearning for.
"But Nutty", you say, "How can we find someone better than the Mighty Pip"? "How can we fit all of those FA's under the cap"?
People... pay attention... it's leprechaun money! The biggest advantage of leprechaun money is that it doesn't actually exist... so it can't be counted against the cap.
As for Pipkins becoming nothing but depth... we must spend one of our 7 first round picks on the best available OT.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! How did we get 6 more first round picks, Nutty?" you say...?
* Apparently, the tables have turned in regards to the Sean Payton negotiations... per a source. The team that lands Payton will no longer have to give up a 1st round pick... but rather, will be awarded a 1st round pick for their cunningness in the arts of negotiation. Fabiani will broker the deal.
* The NFL has decided to rectify a previous injury. The Dallas Cowboys must forfeit their 1st round pick to the remaining Chargers fans living in San Diego. Jerry Jones' shameless pandering to bring a team to LA was deemed fraudulent. Apparently, LA was already getting a team (the Rams) and the 2nd team wasn't really needed/required. The $650 million relocation fee will be converted into a 1st round pick... per a source. For his loss, Jerry Jones will be compensated in leprechaun gold... which Jones will immediately convert into Bitcoin.
* The Chargers had planned on firing Staley. Per a source... while negotiating the Payton deal, Fabiani secretly traded Staley to the Broncos for a 1st round pick. Additional 1st round picks were awarded for Lombardi and Hill... as the trifecta seems to be inseparable.
* The details of the 6th first round pick are a little fuzzy... but it's rumored to include leprechaun gold... per a source.
6 of the first round picks will be evenly dispersed along all 3 levels of the offense/defense (this will alleviate the endless bickering)... the 7th first round pick (the Jones Compensation Pick) will be given to Roo... even though he no longer lives in San Diego.
The remaining picks will be used on depth. The remaining cap overage will be paid with leprechaun money... only this time it will be recognized as real tender.
No response is needed... you can send your appreciation and praise via PM.
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