magic and my take on relijohn

[Savage Lizard]

Im sorry i got that part wrong. My first thought was..Rob has suffered an immense traumatic event involving his mother...and still feeling anger is trying to take my experience of peace away from me. Forgive me for misinterpreting.

I want you know i know about your story with your mom. And it brings me great sorrow and empathy for you as a friend. I wish i could take that from you and i wish that God would reveal himself to you and give you some Answers.

But remember your talking with a man who judging by you and many others here has some way out there beliefs. The very fact i believe in God borderline labels me crazy by many non-believers.

I believe in Evil Rob. Because i used to be it. If you only knew of my personal history and the things ive done. AT one time i was filled with darkness. Hated God and hated people. Ive lived both sides.

Even in the mouth of madness and in a world filled with so much violence and evil...i believe in an equal amount of good and light. As a Christian i believe in Spiritual warfare. That right now as a type this i am surrounded by angels and demons. Fighting for lives. Convincing people to do evil and vice versa. I cant call myself a believer and think otherwise. I dont blame God for evil. I blame the one who hates him. ANd wants people not to see the light. Its a war thats talked about all throughout the Bible.

A Christian cant just claim to know God and deny the existance of Satan. The reason i feel so strongly about the existence of a loving God....is because i once worshiped the other side. And as a result my actions were evil.

If we lived in a perfect world where no bad ever happened. And everyone lived happily ever after and never died. There would never be any need for a Father. A creator. Thats just my core belief.

I hope you understand im just sharing my experience strength and hope. I don't wish to debate the existence of God. I simply want to love him without the persecution from others.

If you ever need me for anything you just ask. My heart goes out to you. Nobody should ever have to experience the darkness like you have.

I only think the Pastor said the things he did was because of his own conviction that your mother truly is in paradise and while she suffered...her life can live on in the love of her children. But ultimately i believe he was trying to instill hope that you and your family did not see your mother for the last time. That you will all be together again.

Peace man.

Trust me, I'd like for all of that to be the case, I just don't see it.

Anyway, I don't begrudge anyone their beliefs until they use them to bash others over the head. Peace to you, and thanks for the kind words.

[Fleet]

Anytime bro. I want to talk with you about something my friend did. She just lost her 19 year old son. Shes a non-believer. She reached out to me after she met someone who really helped her. Ive been contemplating sharing her story with you.

[captaind]

I hear you Fleet, and I'm cool with all of that.

BUT, my experience is a lot different. As people may have seen in another thread I posted recently, my mom died a terribly violent death at a young age. At her service the pastor/priest/whatever spoke of "calling her home" and "God's plan" and other shit that I guess was supposed to make me feel better. But all it did was piss me off. Why does "god's plan" have to include such brutality? Why couldn't he just call her home some other way? Meanwhile, the guy who did all of it has conveniently found god now, and has been saved. So according to most of what I've ever heard about it, he gets to go to heaven because he has been saved. Meanwhile, I have lived a good life and never done anything like that, while doing a lot of good for others. But me? I'm getting cast into the fiery lakes of hell because I didn't say the secret password. That is really the best system an all powerful being could come up with?

Then you have people who like to ascribe positive outcomes to god, and conveniently look the other way when something bad happens. God fixed my brother in law's back a few years back (according to him) but lets kids die of cancer all the time. Someone gets in a terrible accident and almost dies, but if they survive someone will say "god was looking out for him." WHAT? If god was looking out for him, why would he let the terrible accident happen in the first place? Oh yeah "god works in mysterious ways."

And then we have prayer. If god is all powerful and all knowing, and his plan involves killing people with cancer, who are humans to try to talk him out of it with prayers? Seems kind of counter intuitive to surrendering to a higher power. But of course if someone gets better it's because of prayers and if they die it's god's will.

I understand people take comfort in this stuff, but it all just sounds like bullshit to me.

If you were on the nflforum last year, you know what I went through. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I think I aged 10 years during those 3 1/2 weeks that my son was alive.

But the priest's words at his funeral were far different. I've known him for over 30 years. He can be outright blunt sometimes, but there's a lot of truth in what he says. And basically he told everyone at the funeral not to tell us it was God's plan, or it all happened for a reason, because that's the last thing we wanted to hear. In fact, he wouldn't blame us for not showing up at church for a while after what we had just been through. We might be pretty mad at God right now. And he was right in saying that. There was no fluff in his words. He knows I'm not a fan of it.

How to reconcile what happened and why? I can't. Never will be able to. But the fact that I don't know why doesn't change anything for me. There are a lot of things I don't understand, despite my overly-analytical accounting brain that feels the need to explain every number in detail on a financial statement.

The things you're saying rub me the wrong way, too. To see someone survive a tornado and claim it was God's will while scores of others died.....sorry, I don't get that. What I do get is that all kinds of bad things happen in this world. Occasionally some good or bad things happen that defy the odds, defy science, defy everything we understand. The toughest thing to accept is that we as human beings will never be able to explain it all, no matter how far we advance. A thousand years from now, no human being on this planet would be able to tell me why a birth defect that doesn't exist anywhere in our family history suddenly happened. And yet I can take some comfort in that. Because if everything that happens could be fully explained, then there would be no need for faith in anything. Kind of humbling to admit that we will never have all the answers, but that's the truth. We never will.

And I know I'm not the best with words to articulate what I'm saying or feeling. It's difficult to talk about.

[oneinchpunch]

Gotta say, the stories break my heart.

[Gwynning_Spirit]

[RobH]

If you were on the nflforum last year, you know what I went through. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I think I aged 10 years during those 3 1/2 weeks that my son was alive.

But the priest's words at his funeral were far different. I've known him for over 30 years. He can be outright blunt sometimes, but there's a lot of truth in what he says. And basically he told everyone at the funeral not to tell us it was God's plan, or it all happened for a reason, because that's the last thing we wanted to hear. In fact, he wouldn't blame us for not showing up at church for a while after what we had just been through. We might be pretty mad at God right now. And he was right in saying that. There was no fluff in his words. He knows I'm not a fan of it.

How to reconcile what happened and why? I can't. Never will be able to. But the fact that I don't know why doesn't change anything for me. There are a lot of things I don't understand, despite my overly-analytical accounting brain that feels the need to explain every number in detail on a financial statement.

The things you're saying rub me the wrong way, too. To see someone survive a tornado and claim it was God's will while scores of others died.....sorry, I don't get that. What I do get is that all kinds of bad things happen in this world. Occasionally some good or bad things happen that defy the odds, defy science, defy everything we understand. The toughest thing to accept is that we as human beings will never be able to explain it all, no matter how far we advance. A thousand years from now, no human being on this planet would be able to tell me why a birth defect that doesn't exist anywhere in our family history suddenly happened. And yet I can take some comfort in that. Because if everything that happens could be fully explained, then there would be no need for faith in anything. Kind of humbling to admit that we will never have all the answers, but that's the truth. We never will.

And I know I'm not the best with words to articulate what I'm saying or feeling. It's difficult to talk about.

I think you said it about as well as it could be said.